Less Stress Please
Sometimes just thinking about embarking on a program of stress control can be stressful.
Rather than freeze in your tracks, start small and bask in the glow of your successes. Give yourself a week to focus on practical solutions that could help you cope with just one stumbling block or source of stress in your life. Pick a problem, and see if these suggestions work for you.
Apply time-management principles. Consider your priorities (be sure to include time for yourself) and delegate or discard unnecessary tasks. Map out your day, segment by segment, setting aside time for different tasks, such as writing or phone calls. If you are overly optimistic about travel time, consistently give yourself an extra 15 minutes or more to get to your destinations. If lateness stems from dragging your heels, consider the underlying issue. Are you anxious about what will happen after you get to work or to a social event, for example? Or maybe you’re trying to jam too many tasks into too little time.
Often angry or irritated?
Consider the weight of cognitive distortions. Are you magnifying a problem, leaping to conclusions, or applying emotional reasoning? Take the time to stop, breathe, reflect, and choose.
Unsure of your ability to do something?
Don’t try to go it alone. If the problem is work, talk to a co-worker or supportive boss. Ask a knowledgeable friend or call the local library or an organization that can supply the information you need. Write down other ways that you might get the answers or skills you need. Turn to tapes, books, or classes, for example, if you need a little tutoring. This works equally well when you’re learning relaxation response techniques, too.
Clear the deck of at least one time-consuming household task. Hire a house-cleaning service, shop for groceries through the Internet, convene a family meeting to consider who can take on certain jobs, or barter with or pay teens for work around the house and yard. Consider what is truly essential and important to you and what might take a backseat right now.
Not enough time for stress relief?
Try mini-relaxations. Or make a commitment to yourself to pare down your schedule for just one week so you can practice the relaxation response every day. Slowing down to pay attention to just one task or pleasure at hand is an excellent method of stress relief.
Feeling unbearably tense?
Try massage, a hot bath, mini-relaxations, a body scan, or a mindful walk. Practically any exercise — a brisk walk, a quick run, a sprint up and down the stairs — will help, too. Done regularly, exercise wards off tension, as do relaxation response techniques.
Frequently feel pessimistic?
Remind yourself of the value of learned optimism: a more joyful life and, quite possibly, better health. Practice deflating cognitive distortions. Rent funny movies and read amusing books. Create a mental list of reasons you have to feel grateful. If the list seems too short, consider beefing up your social network and adding creative, productive, and leisure pursuits to your life.
Upset by conflicts with others?
State your needs or distress directly, avoiding “you always” or “you never” zingers. Say, “I feel ________when you _____.” “I would really appreciate it if you could ______.” “I need some help setting priorities. What needs to be done first and what should I tackle later?” If conflicts are a significant source of distress for you, consider taking a class on assertiveness training.
Worn-out or burned-out?
Focus on self-nurturing techniques. Carve out time to practice the relaxation response or at least indulge in mini-relaxations. Care for your body by eating good, healthy food and for your heart by seeking out others. Give thought to creative, productive, and leisure activities. Consider your priorities in life: Is it worth feeling this way, or is another path open to you? If you want help, consider what kind would be best. Do you want the job taken off your hands? Do you want to do it at a later date? Do you need someone with particular expertise to assist you?
Connect with others. Even little connections — a brief conversation in line at the grocery store, an exchange about local goings-on with a neighbour, a question for a colleague — can help melt the ice within you. It may embolden you, too, to seek more opportunities to connect. Be a volunteer. Attend religious or community functions. Suggest coffee with an acquaintance. Call a friend or relative you miss. Take an interesting class. If a social phobia, low self-esteem, or depression is dampening your desire to reach out, seek help. The world is a kinder, more wondrous place when you share its pleasures and burdens.
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