Building your support circle
Even prior to COVID19 many of us were feeling isolated or lonely, despite technology meaning we could “connect” easily. Research found that many of us have only 1 person we would feel comfortable sharing a problem with, and one quarter of us have no-one.
Those of us without social connection are more vulnerable to anxiety, depression, antisocial behavior, and have significantly more heart disease, cancer, stroke and Alzheimer’s. It is not surprising that some researchers have concluded that lack of social connection can be a greater risk to our health than obesity, smoking and high blood pressure.
A quote from a famous US expert in social connection, Brene Brown describes it perfectly “We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others and We get sick.”
So developing social support networks and the ability to talk and listen and be vulnerable when needed is an essential part of overall mental wellbeing. This is especially important during COVID19 physical distancing / isolation practices.
TYPES OF SUPPORT
Over time, Social support has commonly been categorized into four main types.
The first type is Emotional support which is characterized by empathy, love, trust and caring – often referred to as “the listening ear” or “hug, nod and pat” support. The goal of this support is usually not to fix the problem.
The second type is Instrumental /Tangible support is often action-based to help actively deal with the issue as at hand. A problems solving approach with actions like cooking meals, looking after kids, driving to appointments etc. some of the most common examples.
The third is Informational support which is centred around providing advice, suggestions, information – most medical professionals provide this type of support or those in your life who have experienced something similar to what you are going through.
The fourth type is Appraisal or Esteem support which provides honest feedback and encouragement to increase confidence to deal with the situation at hand. This is the type of support that can help remind you of your strengths, past successes or life lessons previously learnt but sometimes forgotten. The goal of this type of support is generally to let people know that you believe in them and encourage them to believe in themselves too.
WHAT TYPE OF SUPPORT SHOULD I PROVIDE?
Different situations and different people will need all 4 types of support at different times and many of us naturally feel more comfortable with 1 or 2 of the 4 types. The safest option to default to provide initially is probably emotional support, as often people just want to be heard and feel they are not alone in the way they are feeling. Once they have had the chance to share they may be open to receive other forms of support.
WHO IS IN MY SUPPORT CIRCLE?
Try and identify who your key supports are & who in your life would be more likely to provide the 4 different types of support. If you find you don’t have as many within your support circle right now, it’s worth exploring how and who you could connect with. Reconnect with an old friend, work colleague, team-mate or reach out to an online support group. All of us could do with some additional touch points right now.
WHAT TYPE OF SUPPORT IS NEEDED?
It is sometimes difficult to guess what type of support someone needs or for someone to guess what support you need - so the key is communication. If you’re not sure, ask what type of support is needed. If your seeking support and you just need a listening ear and not the problem solved, let your support person know. But If you need some more practical help, make that clear also. Whilst it may seem a little awkward at first, it ensures that both of you get the most out of the interaction.
DON’T SPREAD YOURSELF TOO THIN
If you are finding it difficult being someone’s support person, or you are lots of people’s support person, make sure you implement some self-preservation strategies and ensure you are receiving the support and self-care you need. Remember on the airplane, you need to fix your air mask first, before assisting others.
ASK FOR HELP
If you are feeling like you are in the redzone and not sure what to do, always remember there is a way forward and there is help available. Reach out to Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636 or www.beyoneblue.org.au or contact your local GP. Whilst it can feel incredibly hard, asking for help is the first step to feeling better again. Take care and be kind to yourself.
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